That's when I noticed the dent.

I recently decided to take up a little bit of swimming, for a couple of reasons:

1) to see if I would drown (I haven't been swimming in AGES)
2) just to mix up my fitness routine a little
3) to either wash that Triathlon idea right outta my head, or GO FOR IT.

And so I got myself a membership and started going (in the mornings, so all the really truly swimmy-type people wouldn't point and laugh). And it was laughable. At first, anyway. It's AMAZING how much more lung capacity it takes me to swim than run. Yikes. But anyway ...

I'm getting better and better, and so to reward myself, I get a couple of small pieces of equipment: goggles and a swim cap. I try the goggles first.

They're snug, but work great! No fog, no running into the wall, all is well. Next, try the cap. This one, I needed a little help with, so I ask the 'experts' at the front desk just how exactly do I go about putting this silicone condom on my head. Armed with instructions, I do precisely as directed. Goggles on top of that, and I'm thinking I might just fool strangers into thinking I'm a real swimmer (until I get into the water, that is)!

Swimmy, swimmy, lap board, kicks and whatnot ... an hour later, I exit the chlorine pond and head for the lockerroom. Where, upon doffing my goggles and cap and heading over to the mirror to ponytail it for the drive home, I discover ... a dent.

In my head.

No lie. This deep line where my cap had cut across my forehead, and two half ovals where the eye pieces of my goggles had perched - essentially EMBOSSED on my noggin. Honestly, the way it was designed, if it hadn't been RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FOREHEAD, it might've been cool. But, as it were, it was decidedly NOT cool. It was the anti-cool. So I ducked out of there and rushed home, thinking it would diminish in time for work.

Fast forward to 7:17 PM, the first instance that day where I touched my head and couldn't feel the remnants of my morning workout.

I think I'm good with running.

Because butts aren't kosher.

I recently saw a TV spot for Hebrew National brand hot dogs, where they were bragging about only putting in the 'front' half of a beef into their hot dogs. At the end of the spot, they show a drawing of a side of beef and they X out the back half while saying, 'No ifs, ands or butts.'

Oy, now, I may be just a goyeh, but, hang onto your yarmulke, yo! The butts ain't all bad - in fact, the back end of a beef is where the delicious, juicy, marbley, sizzling STEAKS come from! They're classified off limits in HN products because it is difficult and time consuming to process the back half of a beef according to kosher practices. IT CAN BE DONE, but HN doesn't have the patience to screw with it. (Wait, though, wouldn't that be an even BETTER way to market their hot dogs? If they actually DID go through the process, exercising Godly patience and disregard for astronomical amounts of shekels? Hmmm...)

I am CERTAINLY not jabbing at HN's product, cause me and their hot dogs are good friends. I saw that spot, though, and thought, 'What? That ain't right. Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis...stein?' I just think it's a tiny bit misleading ... and I wish they'd simply stick to their primary tagline: We answer to a higher authority. Nice work there.

Shameless self-promotion.

Wouldn't it be nice to think, 'Man, I want pork chops for dinner.' Then you open your freezer ... and there are PORK CHOPS there?!



Well, I want to help you make that scenario a reality. Broken B Farms has naturally-raised, cruelty-free, corn-fed hogs that are ready to go to market. Our pork is healthy, delicious, and costs less than buying it at a chain grocery store - plus, you'd be supporting local small farmers. If you'd like a whole or half to put in your freezer, you can choose how you would like it processed and packaged, and we will personally deliver it right to your freezer (within 180 miles of our farm). Just shoot me an email at brokenbbrands@hotmail.com and we'll talk.

Have pork chops tonight, bacon for breakfast, and a ham for Sunday dinner! Compliments of your family at Broken B Farms.