Laura McTwo-Tone

Most people have a pretty distinct idea of what a farmer's tan is, right? When a farmer takes off his white t-shirt, it looks like he's still wearing it. But I've developed the girl version of the farmer's tan. Let's call it the Farmess Tan. In order to accomplish this tan, you must wear a sport bra or tank top, jeans, and boots outside in the sunshine - every day. You'll get the world's most Swedish Beautyesque glow on the top half of your fuselage. However, the bottom half ... resembles more of the glow of the moon. With, of course, a few strategically-placed skeeter bites on it.